Guest ignored the RSVP deadline, now insists on bringing his girlfriend. AITAH for saying no?
My wedding is at the end of August. We sent our save the dates about 7ish months in advance, then followed up with invitations about 4ish months before the wedding. We're having a small wedding with around 50 guests (mostly close friends and family) and everyone knew the timeline well ahead of time.
On both our invitation and wedding website, we included an RSVP deadline along with an FAQ section. One of the FAQs was whether guests could bring a plus one, and we clearly stated that anyone with a plus one would have it indicated on their invitation and invited the plus one’s of the few close friends we had attending (and we knew about). Almost everyone RSVP'd before the deadline, and nobody had any issues or questions. The only messages we got were people saying they loved the invitations, the website, and were excited for the wedding.
A bunch of hands hold champagne glasses toasting a couple at a wedding
Communication is always a good idea, and you should never pretend not to see a text just because you don't want to respond to it. That's pretty childish behavior, and it's not something that you should lean into. But that's what the man in this story was doing, just because he didn't feel like communicating properly with the wedding hosts. You should always treat people how they'd like to be treated, and you wouldn't want someone ignoring the RSVP date for your wedding with no good reason. You would want someone to communicate early and often, as to not leave you in a lurch when they decide to attend. But that's not what happened here.
A wedding guests eats at a table at the reception
One of my fiancé's friends, I'll call him B, was very late RSVPing and honestly just unresponsive in general. We reached out to him about five times because my fiancé wanted him there and we kept a seat open for him even after we confirmed our numbers with the venue, hoping he'd eventually respond.
Well, today, two weeks after the RSVP deadline, he finally replied and said he's coming. Then he asked my fiancé if he could bring his girlfriend. We had no idea he was even seeing someone. He tends to date people for a few months at a time, but if he had mentioned her anytime over the last several months, I honestly would've been open to inviting her. Since we locked in our numbers, I told my fiancé to respond with something like, "I wish you had told me earlier. We had to give our final numbers to the venue on the X date, and they're locked in now. If anything changes I'll let you know, but we're at capacity."
A bride and a groom from behind at an outdoor reception
When someone goes about things the wrong way, then you're allowed to think of them differently. Just because you wanted someone at your wedding, doesn't mean you have to have them there if they disrespect you in the process. And if they don't abide by the RSVP date, then they forfeit their chance to attend the wedding. And bringing a plus-one is a pretty big deal. You don't get automatically granted one. You have to have special dispensation to do so. Keep scrolling to see how this unfolded and let us know what you think in the comments/
Guest congratulate a bride and a groom at an outside reception
Now B is insisting on bringing his girlfriend anyway, saying he was working in Brazil and didn't know. That explanation doesn't really sit right with me. My fiancé texted him our wedding website several times asking him to RSVP, and we could see that he'd read the messages. He was also active on social media during that time, so it feels like he had wifi to send a quick text or even mention that he had a girlfriend he'd want to bring.
My fiancé wants to budge and see if we can include her, but I'm honestly pretty offended. Not only did he miss the RSVP deadline, not only did he ignore five texts, not only did he have around six months to mention he was seeing someone, but now he's being persistent after we've already said no. The audacity is what's getting to me.
AITAH if I insist his girlfriend can't come? And AITAH if I tell our planner that if B shows up with his girlfriend anyway, she should turn her away?
-u/bzee3
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